Women’s magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn’t find elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren’t privy to. How they read into our behavior, how they perceive our actions, what their true expectations are… there’s plenty to be learned from a glimpse into the other side.
CelebrityFreaks.com will be providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence — without the embarrassment that comes with retrieving it from your girlfriend’s magazine rack. We’ll be publishing a series of features from iVillage.com; articles originally written by women for women, but with insight that’s invaluable to men. Of course, in exchange, we had to offer up some intelligence of our own… all the more reason for you to get on the inside track as soon as you can.
keep her coming
You know those long, shuddering, awe-inspiring, mythical orgasms you wish you could provoke from your woman? Well, they aren’t just from her fantasies (or yours). They’re real, and they’re doable. Read on to find out how you can really make her toes curl.
the extended sexual orgasm technique
Greedy girls pay attention: If you want a longer, deeper, more intense orgasm, you’ve (ahem) come to the right place. Considering the average female orgasm lasts between 15 and 30 seconds, it’s not surprising that many women feel a little, well, cheated when it comes to coming.
Now imagine an orgasm that lasts a full 30 minutes, with the odd random contraction happening up to a day afterward. This was the astonishing promise of two U.S. sexologists who pioneered what’s called the Extended Sexual Orgasm technique in the ’80s. It was a pretty big claim — and it got a pretty big response at the time. But just like the G-spot, when people couldn’t figure out the whole orgasmic program in five minutes flat, it quickly and quietly disappeared into the “too complicated” basket… until now.
Sex therapists have recently resurrected Extended Sexual Orgasm (ESO) — and are seeing some spectacular results. What’s changed? The fact is, we’re far more sex-savvy now than ever before. So let’s get started.
Step 1: On your own
- Think positively about sex. Most of us, according to the sexologists, resist pleasure rather than welcome pleasure — so you need to do some “cognitive restructuring.” In simple terms, this means thinking, “This is great — let’s go with it,” rather than “Oh God, my mother would freak if she saw me now.”
- Do Kegel pelvic floor exercises. For the uninitiated — and where have you been? — these involve squeezing, holding, then releasing the same muscle you use to stop the flow of urine. The idea is to strengthen your pubococcygeus muscles, and standard sets involve clenching and releasing 25 to 30 times, three times a day.
- Pay attention when you masturbate. If you already know which strokes, speed, pressure and rhythms suit you, well done! Practice makes perfect for the rest of you.
Step 2: With your partner
- You lie down while he sits or kneels cross-legged beside or in between your legs and applies some personal lubricant to the whole of your vagina and perineum (the part of your body between your vagina and anus). Next, he should lightly brush and stroke your genitals, but he’s not allowed to stimulate the clitoris and inside the vagina. He does this for at least five minutes.
- The stimulation now moves to the clitoris. He should slowly and steadily circle the clitoris with a finger, traveling around it once per second. At the same time, you tell him exactly what pressure and rhythm feels good.
- As he continues to stimulate your clitoris, you start doing your pelvic floor squeezes as you breathe deeply from your stomach. Prepare for your orgasm, because now it gets a bit complicated for him.
- As you feel you’re about to climax, he should watch and feel for regular two-second contractions in your genital area; this means you’re about to orgasm. Once these contractions start, he needs to stop stimulating the clitoris and immediately move to stroking the inner vaginal walls. Using his fingers, he can either push them in and out or sweep them in circles in and out of the entrance. If he concentrates on the front vaginal wall (the bit underneath your tummy), stroking with his fore and middle finger is another option. Most crucial of all, whichever technique he chooses, the rhythm should be slow and steady.
Keep the pleasure coming…
- After you’ve had your orgasm, he’ll feel the vagina start to pull away — the point when most couples stop. But not this time! In ESO, your first orgasm is only the beginning, remember? Instead, he continues using his fingers inside the vagina, using a light touch initially, then upping the frequency and pressure once you feel ready for more. This should set off another series of contractions.
- The minute he feels a pause in the pulsating, he should move quickly back to stroking the clitoris as before. If he continues to steadily circle the clitoris, this should trigger even more contractions — at which point he moves back to stimulating inside the vagina again. He then continues switching back and forth from vaginal to clitoral stimulation until your contractions occur every one to five seconds.
- After doing this for 15 minutes, the contractions start to become continuous. When the vagina pushes out in a continual wave-like motion, you’re in the final phase. He now gets into a position where he can use both hands — and keep his balance — to stimulate the clitoris and the vagina simultaneously. The result: wave after wave of orgasms. And to think, you were going to give up!
other ways to keep it coming
- Find your “hot days.” It’s worth noting which days of the month you feel most aroused. Keep a chart. If day one is the first day of your period, simply mark the days you feel sexy after that with a cross (record those days you can’t help but notice). After a few months, you may see a pattern emerging — or not; some of us don’t have one. If you do, it makes sense to try for extended orgasms during those periods.
- Drink less. Alcohol numbs and represses your bodily functions, lowering your chances of achieving extended sexual orgasms.
- Use lubricant. It allows you to be stimulated for longer without experiencing soreness.
- Move those hips. The more you move your pelvis, the longer and more intense the sexual charge. (Try belly dancing for ultimate flexibility!)
- Focus on the sensation. Men seem better at staying focused on orgasm, while women tend to “wander off” mentally. Search with your mind for the last, tiniest contraction to fully appreciate the experience.
- Switch stimulation. If you’ve just had a clitoral orgasm, switch to penetration or vaginal stimulation to continue the sensations or try for number two. If you’ve just climaxed through intercourse, switch to him giving you oral sex. Often, the first orgasm is sharper and quicker, the second could be longer.